The past couple of months I have been choosing to put my needs first for the first time ever!!!! I know what some of you are thinking you’re a mom how can you do that? Well here’s the thing I was not being the best mom I could be that is how I can put myself first. I choose to do things that I love again go out, enjoy kids free time, delegate chores to my husband, read, and have better self care. Guess what I don’t care if that bothers people or they think I am being a bad mom or wife because I am living my best life and I an a better mom and wife because I choose myself. In choosing myself I learned that I don’t have to do it all be it all it is ok to let stuff go give in to letting the kids have ice cream for breakfast because it is not worth the fight. I learned that other peoples opinions don’t matter!!!!!!!
I would like to talk for a minute about Mom Guilt!!! I have Mom guilt for all kinds of reasons but I was talking to my sister this weekend and she was telling me that she has been having a lot of mom guilt when she leaves her kids with someone. That made me stop and think why do so many people put moms down for wanting time away from our children. I personally am trying to put myself first a little more this year with everything going on I really think it is important to make time for yourself. I think that with putting myself first I can become a better mom and wife. I 100% believe in self care. I don’t believe that you should never feel guilty. Do your little monsters or significant other feel guilty when they put themselves first? Do single people feel guilty? NO so why should you? I am working on getting my sister on the self care mantra. I think that we need to stop MOM SHAMING. Being a mom is hard enough without the MOM SHAMING.
I think with everything this year everyone is ready for this year to be over, but with the reality of everything this year is it really going to be better than last. I am still going to set new goals for the year. I learned a lot this past year with that said I am going to make realistic goals like trying to keep girls night going because I believe that we really need it. I think that with this pandemic as bad as it is there are some realistic goals we can set like work on our marriage work on my mental health I really think that being home and homeschool I need me time to be with my thoughts more then ever. I am also going to keep connecting with my little monsters. We are learning new thing everyday and I love it. I hate what is going on in the world but I am blessed to say that we have really connected as a family in way that I never knew that we could in a time were social media rules these teens my monster are wanting to talk and connect more. I will tell you that I have learned so much from my monsters this year like TikToc dances and how to game lol. My monsters have also learned from me some new card games and I got to show them my love for history. We also talked about some tough things. I loved that we all slowed down. So as much as this covid Bi*** sucks I love that I could connect with my husband, monsters, and family.
Sorry I have been a little MIA I have been reflecting on everything going on in the world. I have also been very busy with my new career as a “teacher” homeschool is no joke I am really struggling with it. So here is the thing I never wanted to be a teacher and I got thrown in to this I am so lost. The school district choses to use something new the teachers and students don’t understand it. The parents are thrown to the wolves to pick up the pieces and figure it out all well hoping their child is still learning and not falling behind anymore than they already have. I am very concerned about how far behind my child really is. I am scared of the last effects this will have on these children. How will the social skills be effected? Will they have trouble when everything gets back to “normal” not really sure it will ever go back. How can these kids interact with others when they have been sheltered and only talking to friends and family VIA zoom calls? Will we recover for this? I do have some good things that have happened we are closer as a family we are way more connected. I can also now put “Teacher” on my resume.
I never really understood when people said lifestyle change what that meant but I have learned that can mean just about anything to anyone. My lifestyle change came about when my daughter said “mom can we go out and practice for softball? No never mind I know you can’t do that” I saw the look on her face of disappointment and I knew something had to change. That day changed everything for me I started slow and I am slowly becoming the mother my monster deserves and wants. I can tell you I have no problem going out to practice with her now she loves it. The looks I get now are way better. I see how much happier they are. I started by setting small achievable goals little by little I achieved them. I had set backs but I didn’t let that stop me. When I achieved my first big goal I could not believe it I was so excited. My monster’s have been amazing cheering me on walking and jogging right next to me telling me to keep going. These little monsters call me out when I am slacking off or if they see me eat something bad I love that they hold me accountable. I am very blessed I think they are enjoying their new mom.
I wanted to review somethings that I have been using with my new “Lifestyle change” (I say that because I hate the word diet) I never liked milk but I always needed it in my coffee I drink black coffee now but when I want “real coffee” I use Nutpod can I just say I can’t tell the difference. Nutpod is a coconut almond milk base with very low calories and no sugar. I also have been liking sparkling water any brand any kind I love them all lol. I was never really a soda drinker but plain water gets old fast. This is not really a review but I learned that I love Brussel sprouts lets just be honest for a minute everyone thinks they hate Brussel sprouts I am here to say they are amazing. I really love all veggies.
My husband and I had a vacation planned with my brother-in-law to go to Atlantic City but with everything going on we decided to postpone. I was really looking forward to getting away because who doesn’t need a vacation. The best part of this vacation we were only going to have one monster because lets be honest I never go to far without my littlest monster for many reasons. My husband and I talked about getting away somewhere close because he already had the time off and why not. We found a hotel close but not to close. I can tell you that Vacation has become way more of a hastle than I could have ever imagined. We wear mask and sanitize. The hastle is what is open what can we do were can we go. Checking in to the hotel has even changed this whole pandemic has made everything so impersonal. when we checked into the hotel there is glass and ropes sign in over there “please don’t get close” “please don’t touch” “use the clean pen” I hate all this Impersonal bull Sh**. I hate that people are so scared to get close or even talk to people. I really hope this Covid Bit** learns her place and goes the hell away. Here are some pictures from our trip
I say month unknown because of this covid Bit** I don’t know what day it is sometimes. I have been doing OK. I am losing weight still eating healthy, exercising. I get dressed everyday but not so good with the hair and makeup everyday. Ok so now on to the reading part I am not doing as good with that but I am reading not as much. I am working to get back to 2 books a month.
These past couple of months have taught me some amazing things. I am way stronger then I could have ever imagined!!!! I also sadly learned that even during a pandemic you can learn who is truly there for you. I learned that family sucks. I also became even closer to my sisters. I really enjoyed getting to know them again. I am also working on making my marriage better. My husband and I are enjoying getting to know each other again. I ordered a “one question a day for you and me” book we are having a lot of fun filling that out. I am learning new things about him. The more I learn the more I love.
As Pride month is coming to an end I wanted to write about what pride month means to me as a mom to a gay son. I am happy that the country is coming around and there are so many more people who understand. My hope is that someday for my sons sake all this will not matter and know one will ever question my son for wanting to marry a man. I think it is crazy that people question people’s choice to marry the same sex when know one ever question why I wanted to marry my husband!!! I have never ever once treated someone different because they are different then me. My husband and I are raising are children on that same way. My hope is that one day there will be no more hate in the world. I know that that is a lot to hope for in a world filled with so much hate but I think with some education and more people standing up for others maybe my amazing children can change the world. I am hopeful that every year we will get closer. So from one proud mom to a world of hate come around it takes way more energy to hate than to LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!
The 2 oldest Monsters are from a young stupid relationship. (Which I would not trade for anything in the world because that stupid relationship gave me my 2 amazing monsters just to be clear) I have been working and fighting to have a good co-parenting relationship with their dad. Over the last 15yrs I have let a lot go and have been dealing with way more then I should have (I am not going to go in to detail because I don’t want my kids to get hurt if they ever read this) but I don’t ever want my Monsters to say you didn’t try. This past weekend I asked him to step up and take them more and spend more time with his kids he said I know. I asked him to take them all of next weekend his wife said Saturday is the only day we get to spend with each other. My question is how do I get him to spend more time with his kids? How do I do what is best for my little monsters? what is best for my little monsters in this situation? Why don’t they write a hand book on Co-Parenting with an ex that could give two shits?
I will start this by saying I understand 100% why they canceled school for 3 weeks and as a mom to a child that is Immune Compromised I am grateful. I have a question what am I going to do with these Little Monsters who thrive in structure? I can keep there day structured like school but can I really? I say can I really because I am their mom not there teacher. The authority that comes with being the teacher I don’t have. I know that because trying to get these Little Monster to do the virtual work our district set up is like chasing an over tired toddler that lost their “blankie.” I will tell you I have way more appreciation for my Little Monsters teachers I also think they need to pay them as much as an NFL QB gets payed if not more!!!!!
This First week has been crazy!!!! The kids don’t know what to do with themselves. I know that when the iPads and xbox’s become boring we have a problem. I have been trying to keep them busy with school work, outside play, and other activities. I have cleaned, organized, baked, cooked, and meal prepped everything that I can. I am going crazy!!!!!!!
Week 2 we are finally getting used to this. The little Monster are adapting to the new school routine. I gave my first spelling test this week lol. I do have some concerns about how this is going to effect my little monsters down the road. I am worried about them falling behind even with the online work. I am also worried about social skills. I know that we have to do this social distancing to maintain our health I just feel so trapped! I am going stair crazy. I know that there are people way worse off than me. With all that said we accomplished a lot this week 2 lego projects countless art pages, way to many heated games of Monopoly and Mancala, tons of family time. I have learned a lot this past week I have way more patients. Our family has become closer as a whole social distancing is slowly helping our family get to know each other more. My little Monsters are becoming better Monster so what more could you ask for lol!!!! I have added some pictures from the first 2 weeks